The summer school holidays are often an area of contention for separated parents, especially where there is no Child Arrangements Order in place directing how the holiday period itself should be split and how, one or other parent, might choose to juggle those arrangements around their employment, travel plans and so forth. No two families are the same, we all have different commitments and priorities and so it is important to approach discussions in a balanced and child focused way.
Issue 1 – Arrangements and Agreement
There is no hard and fast rule as to how the school holiday periods should be divided, it is very much a question of what arrangement will work best for the children, and ideally, also for the parents. Usually, parents will look to achieve a broadly even split of the school holiday periods, but this will not work for all parents or in fact all children. Approach discussions from the perspective of your family situation and not what others might say or do.
In terms of agreeing a division of time, I find the initial approach is often to alternate weeks so the children would spend weeks 1, 3 and 5 with one parent and weeks 2, 4 and 6 with the other The justification being that the children are never away from one or other parent for long. However, this is not always the best arrangement. For example, if you want to take the children abroad, most package deals run for 7 nights or 10 nights, making an alternating week arrangement not practical. In this instance longer blocks of time maybe more appropriate, for example weeks 1, 2 and 5 with one parent and weeks 3, 4 and 6 with the other or a split straight down the middle with each parent caring for the children for three consecutive weeks.
Longer blocks of time are often harder to agree from a parent’s perspective as two or three weeks without seeing their children can seem like an unbearable amount of time. But from a child’s perspective it does have its benefits, for example, it is much less moving back and forth between homes, something they no doubt do during the term time. It allows them to settle with one parent in their household for a longer period, which is a much nicer experience. We wouldn’t enjoy living out of a bag and moving our belongings each week so why ask our children to do this.
Remember whatever arrangement you agree for this summer doesn’t necessarily have to be the same arrangement you apply next summer.
Top Tips –
DO: Start discussions as early as possible, the sooner you reach an agreement the sooner you can start making plans.
DON’T: Get caught up trying to split the holidays so they are precisely even. The children are not counting how many hours or nights they spend with one or other parent. They want quality time with both of their parents and achieving that for them is the key.
Issue 2 – Holiday Clubs/Third party childcare
Many parents will rely on holiday clubs or third-party childcare to get them through the longer summer holiday period.
However, holiday clubs and third-party childcare can become an area of contention where one parent is available to care for the children, yet the other parent is choosing to place the children in a holiday club during their time.
My starting point would be to ask who the third-party childcare is, if it is grandparents or family members, this is likely to be viewed as a positive thing by the courts. It may be difficult to accept this arrangement if you are at home and ready to care for the children, but such an arrangement may well be considered to be in their best interests.
Holiday clubs and childminders are slightly different, as they are unrelated third parties. There is merit in saying, the children will benefit from being with a parent as opposed to a third party, but there is also merit in saying, the children will benefit from the additional time they have with the other parent around work.
In this circumstance maybe consider if there are workable compromises, for example if the children’s friends are also in the holiday club or they are learning, then maybe discuss splitting the time between the ‘at home’ parent and the holiday club or it may be that the working parent can arrange to finish work early some days and during those days the children could attend holiday club.
Top Tips –
DO: Think about the arrangement from the children’s perspective, if their friends will be at the holiday club, or they will be with family, maybe it is a good thing.
DON’T: Be stubborn, if it is better for the children to be with the other parent then ask for their help. That is what co-parenting is about.
Issue 3 – Concerns about the others parenting
It is hard to not see your children for weeks at a time and no doubt for any parent this is a shock to the system. It is even harder when you have concerns about the others parenting.
To simplify what can be a complex set of circumstances, the starting point is to consider whether the parenting in question poses a risk of harm to the children or whether it is merely undesirable parenting. For example, leaving young children unsupervised at home poses a risk of harm whereas allowing them to have too much screen time is undesirable parenting.
If there is a genuine risk of harm, then you need to give real consideration to how that parent can spend time with the children in a way that is safe. Whereas, if it is just undesirable parenting, then the courts approach will very much be that it is for that parent to determine how they parent the children, and this is not generally a ground for suspending or limiting contact.
Top Tips –
DO: Try and see if you can agree parameters so the children have a similar routine across households, for example, screen time limits, bedtimes and mealtimes.
DON’T: Forget that we all parent differently and each parent has autonomy in how they parent during their time with the children. This is different to a risk of harm.
Resolution
Hopefully using these tips, you can reach an agreement, however it is also important to recognise that there may be a turning point where disagreements mean you are unable to resolve matters. Do not be afraid to seek legal advice at any stage of negotiations. Our involvement does not mean you are going to court. This is not what we want for you and your family. Our role is to advise you and help guide your negotiations, we can also support you to consider the various options for non court dispute resolution and what might be most appropriate for you and your family.
Top Tips –
DO: Seek legal advice at the earliest opportunity, knowing how the court might approach the dispute may well help resolve it.
DON’T: Be scared of us. We want to help you amicably, quickly and cost effectively resolve your dispute. Issuing court proceedings is the last option, not the first.
